The other day Mr. Shakestown and I were watching some garbage program on the telly when an advert popped up in which a couple was referred to as being a particularly great couple because their strengths and weaknesses balance each other out such that they make one great person.
As someone who is in a relationship that is made up of two. distinct. persons. I find this advert insultuous to my very core. The idea that two people must blob together into one in order to be worthy of praise from some random bloke on the telly is a clearly orchestrated attack on my personal agency and consent.
Yesterday afternoon, as I was putting on my wellies, I caught Mr. Shakestown's glance out of the corner of my eye, and told him plainly, "I don't like you very much, Sir." He replied, because we are so deeply connected that he understands my thoughts and we communicate in our own special (clearly two person-ed) language, "I don't like you very much either, madam."
And oh my dear, how does there, to my knowledge, as of yet, exist no Shakestown erotic fan fiction.
You and Mr. Shakes are my favorite couple, even though I don't know you. This is so, so beautiful! I only wish that some day I could have a "bloke" of my own with whom to exchange beautiful expressions of independence and mutual coolness.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't think it's going to happen, lassie. I don't think such a fantastically cool and enviable relationship can happen twice. You just don't run across lads like that in the lift every day or at a car-boot sale, now, do you? Begorrah, there's nowt queer as folk, n'est-ce pas?
eating my heart out,
yahoo_yak
individualized, individual hearts to you, dear yahoo yak.
ReplyDeleteI agree, the advert was bollocks, whoever wrote it was a right Berk he was. Cor, it only takes one butcher's to see that you're two people, crikey! Now I'm off to duck and dive for the rest of the week because of me garbage back. Send us a few quid, love, I'm skint!
ReplyDeleteShakeslashfiction:
ReplyDeleteDeek brandished the butt plug over his head like a broadsword, while Paul the Spud grimaced in anticipation.....
[Author's note: I can't take this any further without self harm....]
I just pissed myself laughing.
DeleteAh dinnae ken what you're on about. Daft wee buggers, the lot of you. Liss would never talk like a sassenach.
ReplyDelete(CN: Dislike, 24 hour periods, the future, health, safe, relationship, hope, other people) One day I'll have a healthy and safe relationship like yours one day! Everyone I say "I don't like you very much" to all of a sudden stop talking to me...
ReplyDelete