- Empathic listener
- Unlicensed clinical therapist
- Metaphorical sledgehammer
- Inventor of important and necessary concepts (such as metaphysical blackmail and quartz palace reflector syndrome and ockham's plaid underpants)
- Jew
- President
- Frontline solidier
- Acupuncturist
- Feminist gangster
- Making fetch happen
- Reader of anonymous screen caps
- Self-published author
- Personal assistant to Judy Shakestown
- For several years, I've been in complete charge of pretty much everything in my life. There's certain things that you just can't have control of, sir.
- Professional lister
- Garbageperson
- Meteorologist
- Cunstronaut
- Robomod
- Blogger
- Informal correspondent to the white house
- Zookeeper
- Meta-content generator
Thursday, August 7, 2014
job description
As a reminder, here is a list of the many jobs I perform here.
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Judy, I'm relieved to see you are a therapist and empathic listener, because I'm going through a rough patch. You see, my wife recently left me because she was having an affair with my best friend. My mother was on her way to my house to cheer me up when she was eaten by a bear. Do you have any advice for me on how to deal with these trauma?
ReplyDeleteYour loyal reader,
Jurgan
P.S. I am all over (is that how we show support here? I can't remember, sorry!)
Jurgan,
DeleteWas that your mom? She was delicious!
Best,
OldPolarBear
Content note: reaction to humor
DeleteThis made me laugh so hard I cried a bit. Bravo gentlemen!
You forgot your important work as a Queerbrained Person of Alliance, and as a Fatsmosnaut who explores the hostile planet of Fatphobia, and as a Five Day Weekend Specialist.
ReplyDeleteI didn't "forget" these things. This list is non-exhaustive. But thanks for assuming that I don't know what I do.
Delete