Sunday, January 26, 2014

hey your gay brain narcissism

Everyone in the multigalaxy has sent me this TRASHCAN MONOTOILETCLOGUE with a list of twenty-one fuckbillion ways to tell you are reading a quality blog or something or other.


BUT without reading it I will say this.
  1. There is not a reasonable point made in this entire fucktreatise of recycle bin accusations against quality bloggers.
  2. The author of this "article" has been a chronic practitioner of bad faith against me and a few other brave individuals who have had the unmitigated tenacity to assert our own humanity in the face of dehumanizing lists like this one.
  3. FUCK YOU for reading too slowly / too quickly. I hope you cut your fingers on your keyboard and die.
  4. You are either completely, unquestionably in or you are a racist, humanity-hating troll.
  5. I have a host of REAL MEDICAL ISSUES that give me insight into everything ever, but I also have a LOT of FAKE ONES which only I can truly understand. Until you too have experienced the made up conditions of which I have the worst possible known cases, then you are not an authority on my life or your own. ALSO, don't ever come in here and talk to me about RACISM like you understand it until you have married a MARTIAN and taken hir last name as your own.
  6. I just read your story about overcoming suicide attempts. OMG GLUB SHART. Thanks for not dying though.
  7. GLUB is MY way of reacting to and processing MY feelings. Your criticism of the potential impact of using short, made up words to respond to people who share difficult stories is nonexistencing to my very soul and makes me it really fucking hard for me to keep getting up to go to the computer and tell you what you're doing wrong all day.
  8. The suggestion that I never apologize when I'm wrong is absolute dolphin shit. It's not my fault that I'm never the one who is fucking wrong.
  9. I swear to god I will cancel this whole blog if you don't shower me in praise and beg for forgiveness for expecting more from me. I expect more.
  10. I don't need you to shower me in praise and beg for forgiveness. I really just need you to stop fucking up in the first place and realize that your words have consequences.
  11. This is not an invitation to discuss what the author of the linked "article" actually said. If I wanted to know what some douchebox narcissist thinks about lists and quality blogging I would just consult my own fucking experience.
  12. Here is a secret about me that you didn't know. I have a shitting disorder that makes it impossible for me to shit. I am revealing this intimate detail about myself because I am so open. I also shit in toilets. SELFIE for the feminist cause.
  13. Again, many thanks to everyone who sent me the above article, including shakestownie g, heyyourgaybrain, jesus_rhino, and everyone else in the multigalaxy. I always do such a good job of crediting people. This is something that I do very well whereas other feminist bloggers tend to appropriate work without giving credit, unlike ME. This is why I have so much extra work keeping track of your names and who you all are and whether or not you visited my site from a HATE LINK, and so essentially I am ultimately responsible for everything that happens here which is why it is so hard for me to feel valued in my own fucking space.
  14. "Narcissistic people feel entitled to exploit other people's work. It's on the web. It's easy. It's theirs for the taking. In fact, if they read it more than once, they believe it IS theirs for the taking. So ask yourself how much time has this author invested in his/her blog? How much of their site has been reproduced? Don't dismiss the value of websites collating articles, though. Many readers don't have enough time to browse the Internet for useful articles. What is completely ludicrous however are websites comprised of other people's articles yet plastered with copyright warnings. How can someone who has copied 99.9% of the articles on their blog, threaten legal action should anyone copy her copied blog that was copied from other people's websites.... Look for original content. Reblogging is more and more common so a mix of both is normal. However, if someone regularly posts other people's work, be careful you don't transfer the authority of the article to the person who did NOT write it. Think exploitation." LOLWORD.
  15. I invented narcissism, all the totes unplagiarized stats on the costs of cooling stairwells, and ALLTHEWORDSEVER. LOL OCKHAM'S UNDERWEAR WITCHCRAFT INTENTIONS DOUCHEYACHT HEY YOUR GAY BRAIN. Use them but never forget that they are MINE and to give me all the JIZZ IN YOUR SHOEZ FOREVER or else.
  16. OMG inside jokes and fake words are so OTHERING and NONEXISTENCING. Cocktail forks ahoy!
  17. A RACIST TROLL who has been commenting here for years just emailed to say "OMG don't even talk to me about hypersensitivity" and went on to talk about hir experiences with feeling hypersensitive all the time. FUCK YOU, SILENCING EMAILER. This is not a space for you to come and tell me what I can and can't talk about. It's hard enough not feeling silenced when you have your own fucking blog and a group of mindless followers. I don't need to feel silenced in my own fucking inbox.
  18. Honestly, I rarely delete or edit anything I write because it's all so fucking awesome. But l will delete anything you write that makes it seem as though I don't already know all the facts.
  19. I have constantly and of my own accord devoted my ENTIRE LIFE AND BODY AND SOUL TO this blog FOR YOUR BENEFIT. And I do it ALL without ASKING ANYTHING IN RETURN. REMEMBER THIS WHEN IT'S TIME TO DONATE.
  20. The fact that so many people hate me is really just evidence that I AM DOING ALL THE THINGS RIGHT.
  21. OMG it is exhausting having to write about myself all the time.


  1. "I have a host of REAL MEDICAL ISSUES that give me insight into everything ever, but I also have a LOT of FAKE ONES which only I can truly understand."

    All the glubs.
    Thank you for your bravery and I am completely, unquestionably in.



      CUI. CUI.

  2. Your consistency and humanity are amazing. I toss cherry leaves in the air to celebrate such magnificent writing.

    Auntie Alias (who would post using the WordPress profile but this blog doesn't recognize my account)

    1. Auntie Alias, don't even talk to me about cherry leaves. I was poked in the eyeball by one this morning.


      - Auntie Alias

  3. (CN: Graphic Description of What It's Like To Die In a Holocaust That Is Not THE Holocaust, But Still, You Might Want To Wake Up the Kids To Read This One, It's Gonna Get Gnarly. No Fucking Shit, Here It Comes.)

    Can I just say that I woke up today with only one single cocktail fork in hand, and I was going to have to figure out whether to spend that fork on just thinking about taking a shower or crying because I can't even put on fresh clothes to walk to the computer and ask my husband if he can come home from work and take out the patriarchy?

    But then I came here, and I read this and was made forkful. As always, Judith, you are like the St. Francis of Assisi of Mother Teresas. That you can stand to even dispense these pearly drops of wonder working wisdom for the wretches here who sometimes thank you for doing things or say "Hey, nice post, I also feel similarly about such matters and here is some other information or insight I have on the same topic" or otherwise invalerase your ness, this...I tell you, it makes me weep. Weep bitter stinging tears of sorrow at your pain and your struggle, and weep dancing tears like the kind Tom Hardy dangling puppies on bungie cords off a zepplin makes you cry. My tears dance that Tom Hardy in a big giant coat made of puppies exists and he is you, that is your queer brain's spirit animal Judith.

    So much squee.

    1. Anonymous, GLUB. I'm so glad you didn't kill yourself.

    2. I am really feeling triggered by the ejaculatory imagery employed in the phrase "pearly drops," so please consider that WORDS HAVE MEANING AND CONSEQUENCES IN THE WORLD, ASSHOLE, SO ADD A FUCKING CONTENT NOTE FOR THAT.

      How many times does Judith have to spell it out for you people? Mesus biebillion christs.

    3. "How many times does Judith have to spell it out" - Janet Snakehole

      Janet, I appreciate that you're trying to help. But I don't HAVE to do anything, and I DON'T appreciate you burdening me with demands in the comment section of a blog that really need have no tangible effect on me at all. Words have definitions, so please use your brain when composing sentences.

    4. Judith, I'm sorry I inadvertently asked you to do more work. If you have the forks for it, please edit, rewrite, delete, or claim as your own ideas any comment that I leave here. I am Completely In, which I hope to demonstrate more fully when my disability benefits come through.

      Again, I am sincerely sorry for the important feminist work I forced you to do.

    5. I just killed myself, because GLUB is my trigger word. My god, I don't know who to blame for my suicide, now.

  4. Pardon me while I glubsquee....

    1. Friday Jones, it's really disheartening when you write a personal, heartfelt post, and people respond with superficial garbage. I don't mean to pick on you in particular, but you are really a horrible, horrible person who should know better.

    2. I know you can't see me over the Internets, but I am laying on my back urinating on myself submissively in my utter abject contrition. Mea Culpa Maxima! I throw myself upon your mercy, knowing that you would never sacrifice me to your vanity in some cruel distortion of the very idea of what constitutes a "safe space."

    3. [CN: Breaking character]

      Seriously, it feels SO gross being so mean (even parodically) to people who are prostrating themselves at your feet (even in jest). Like, I don't know how someone keeps this up in sincerity on a daily basis.

      /breaking character

      I mean, LOLVOMSHART

    4. [CN: BDSM]

      That invisibilizes dominatrices! In the interests of keeping this yawn blah fart zzzzzz...

    5. [CN: @Judith Shakestown; breaking character] Aw, that was nice to read. Because it's a weird thing, that dynamic. Even though one knows it's fake, it still feels stressful to read sometimes. So it's interesting to think about words eliciting emotions even when you know it's not real. Makes you wonder, as you implied, what being *that person* in real life is like.

      But also, can I join the pile-on? Friday Jones, have you read the commenting policy and all Wikipedia articles that contain the word "woman," as required? Because you're in violation. I'm blowing the whistle on you for putting your submissive behavior on Judith, as if she's supposed to do the Woman's Emotional Work of making you feel better now.
      I Am Blowing. The. Whistle.


  5. Judith,

    I want you to know. TO KNOW. TO FucktardolphinbilepuppyHillaryClinton'sfallopianfuckityKNOW that I share every singe one of your medical issues. Real or Fake.

    And no one can question this because you YOU YOUSUS are the expert in your lived experience and everyone else's. Your marriage to a martian makes you an expert on all things on both worlds and especially on parenting - since you don't have children.

    Once again like a bright shining star you have shown us the way like a giant prophet wandering the wilderness of Fuck Forrest.

    Also, just to be clear all of your health issues are unrelated to any of your choices. Any other conjecture is pure uncut fat hatred. FAT HATRED!! FATFUCKTYSHOVEITSETHROGENFUCKYOUFUCKTY HATRED!!!

    When will these fucktards learn to quit the fuck out! My level of contempt cannot be expressed through any language, thought, or image. It's that contempty!



  6. (cn) Fat Hatred term
    Blob, Blub, so sad you were upset..