UPDATE: Sisyphus Transcription Project

Great news, all. The day is finally here! With your help (and you do it all for free!) I have completed the entire transcription of the audiobook of John Paul Sartre's [ETA: whoops that other white existentialist dude's] Myth of Sisyphus.

I can't tell you how excited I am that this transcript will soon be listed on Amazon in both kindle and print version! I could not have done it without your help.

And you do it all for free.

All I need to do now is print and paste all of your transcript blocks onto a piece of cardboard so that I see them clearly when I retype the text into Word 95. After saving the file to floppy disk I will take it to a GENIUS I found on craigslist (who, thankfully, does accept payment in the form of cash donated by Shakestownies) and who said that he is pretty sure he can transfer the file to a hard disk and then have his cousin put it onto a CD and then a flash drive. At that point it will be edited for errors by a carrier pigeon who will then drop it into the middle of the ocean where it will be caught by a team of dolphins that will swim it over to the publisher, who *fingers crossed* does not know how to search for already existing books on Amazon.

And all of this just in time for the boulder to roll back down the hill.

Trust me, this is how publishing works. So (this can only be where all of this is headed right?) start saving your cash now so that you can prove you are a social justice warrior by supporting Shakestown by performing the radical act of purchasing already existing books produced by your own labor and the labor of your fellow cult members.

Intro to Cunstronauts: License to Sisyphus Transcription Projects

I am SO EMBARRASSED. Abby Cabbagepatch totes just commandeered my twitter account to post an unexpected tweetstorm of praise upon me. I am so utterly HUMBLED that I just had to modestly repost them all here.

unnecessary community note

[CN: Snail Farts]

I received a fictitious e-mail in which someone used the shorthand "Shakestown" to refer to the HUMAN PEOPLE who write here.

No.

I am a fucking human being.

I am not a fish, or a robot, or an alien, or an embryo, or a fucking town. I am a human person, who writes posts here.

As a reminder, Judithshakestown, the blog run by human people, has a fuckbillion parts that I don't have to tell you all about if I don't want to, but here are a few of them:

1) Content. Generated by ME and my unpaid "co-"contributors. I write about ten billion words a day.

I am a fucking human being.

2) Comments. I spend roughly two thousand to three hundred million hours a week responding to comments and keeping this space protected for everyone who is me. When visiting every other site on the internet, you might have to actually read the title of a post to ascertain whether it will contain any triggering material. Here, I will automatically let you know if this post contains anything about snail farts, etc.

I am a fucking human being.

3) Responding to emails. Given my profound wisdom, lack of training in counseling/psychotherapy, and the fact that I am leading a well put together, model life, people understandably contact me for advice about everything from relationship troubles to how to leave a cult to what kind of tattoo they should purchase with other people's child support money. I do my best to respond to every single one of these emails because it's my self-appointed job.

Now, you may have seen some cuntstronauts posting on HATE blogs that they have contacted me for advice or help finding resources, etc., and claiming that I never responded to them. These people are just anti-feminist, gun-toting douche yachts who are upset because they wanted me to do something that violates my arbitrary, ever-shifting core principles and so I reasonably ignored them for the sake of my own health. Protecting my own health is a feminist act and anyone who wants me to jeopardize my health and die in order to respond to an email is a horrible racist troll member of the RNC.

I am a fucking human being.

4) Behind the scenes. I don't know if you fully understand, but there is a lot of behind the scenes work involved in spending your money.

I am a fucking human being, monkey canoes.

Quit it out.

wendy davis transcript

I am super busy today with my cocktail forking, but made time to help out with the Wendy Davis filibuster transcript sisyphus project. Here is what I have so far!

A white, able-bodied, cis woman walks to the front of the room. Walkity walk! Her shoes are a color that might appear pink if you are color seeing. She stands there. Sassy pose. All kinds of standing there. Her arms hang there like arms! She is THERE. Her feet are on the floor. THE FLOOR.

Then, she opens her mouth. And out come WORDS. Bleep blop bloop. She speaks. She says blarghity blargh abortion fart women's reproductive rights beep bop boop. Her sweet lips are like a queer man's jazz hands as words tumble and cascade from her gay-souled mouth. She takes a breathdoodliedoo. And she. keeps. talking. She is positively cromulent.

All the cocktail forks to that adorable little lady.