bah your hate blogs

[ETA: Content Note]*

I am tired, nay fucking exhausted, to the fuckbillionth degree, of stalkers who read this blog and then have negative things to say about it.

Hate blogs are monolithic. If I disagree with one thing said by one hater, then this makes all haters misogynist, complainy crymonkeys.

So, let me just say this once to all of you. Instead of trying to incite a RIOT--on hate blogs that clearly aren't even directed TO me since I have publicly said that I don't read them--why don't you leave your house and DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOUR TIME FFS!?!?!?!?!?

If you don't like what I have to say then ignore it. This is what I do Every. Damn. Day. when I DON'T post about and quote all the people with whom I disagree. If you think someone is harming other people, you should just shut up about it. That's what I always say.

I mean, seriously, this blog harmed you? You must have serious problems then because we all know that words and online relationships can't actually cause you to harm yourself, which is why I always  post trigger warnings at the beginning of posts and obsessively delete comments that I deem dangerous to the protected space.

So yeah, sorry I'm not fucking perfect. But your complaints are all cut from the same anti-woman trashcloth. Since the beginning of mantime, people have accused women of harming others. So you can sit there and say that I'm  harming others all you want, but just know that you're a fucking misogynist for saying it. If I was a dude, you would all be like "Manipulating and emotionally abusing commenters? LOLWEVS." Additionally, the widespread stereotype of women as cult leaders is a garbage sexist trope. Just think of all the famous female "cult" leaders you know. Andplusfuckalso, if it's a stereotype, it can never be true.

Quit it out.

you are so reading right now the worst thing you are ever going to read ever

"A situation in which people admire and care about something or someone very much or too much; a small group of very devoted supporters or fans." --The authors of Merriam-Webster Shitionary on the definition of a cult, written in spite of their not being experts on anything and having never visited my blog

I take serious issue with this cuntionary's insultuous supposition that this blog is a cult simply because I have the consummate BOLDNESS to assert myself as a fucking human being. I've said it before and I will say it again and again until the world begins to get it: Fuck you, dictionary. Words might have definitions, but you are not the author of them, Merriam-Fuckster.

Completely Unquestioningly In Means COMPLETELY UNQUESTIONINGLY IN

Written by Apple Bean, Jesus Rhino, Amy Cabbagepatch, Cheeky, Clone1, Clone2, and Those Other Guys

It has been a full week now since our fair mistress of fuck forest posted that she has been feeling overwhelmed.

We--the humble servants and members of Shakestown's inner circle, who exist and write to you but by the grace and generosity of our kind and self-sacrificing commander--wish to draw your attention to what we recognize to be an increasingly, enormously, remarkably, extraordinarily, alltheadverbsly disturbing trend that has been going on in Shakesnation, a trend that is harmful both to our own Shakessociety and to its most crucial, indispensable center, to such an extreme extent that it can only be expressed through unnecessarily long sentences with multiple clauses.

This community exists and is sustained solely through the milk it thanklessly sucks from Judy's tireless feminist teat; she has changed your diapers, soothed your rashes, spent your child support checks, and set her cocktail fork down long enough to burp you when needed. In return you have VOMITED on her.

Vomited on her.

The trend that we have dutifully observed is as follows:

Step 1: Judy sets the rules and tone of the blog. She sets her own hours. She takes responsibility for keeping herself safe and sets healthy emotional boundaries like any good adult so that she does not take positive appreciation, well-meaning suggestions, or good-hearted interest from the community as attacks on herself or demands of her that she need pay any mind. If commenters do make demands of her then she responds calmly with the recognition that no one can make any demands of her but herself, and maybe perhaps people with whom she has intimate relationships, and of course people with loaded guns, and so she does not view these demands as threatening. She sets clear boundaries, states her perspective, and holds people accountable for their words/actions without emotionally abusing them. She differentiates between her own issues and what other people are doing/thinking/feeling.

Step 2: Judy does not do any of the above.

Step 3: The community wonders why they are being given the silent treatment, why they are being blamed for inability to mind-read or being held to unreasonable standards such as already knowing that mom wanted her whiskey with one ice cube not two or that one should respond to a comment buried in a super long comment thread on a random post back when people used to post there and/or knowing that one should (/should not) email Judy with appreciation, concern, and offers to bake her cakes which are all obviously signs of unreasonable demands/not caring/caring too much.

Step 4: Judy gets over her huff and returns.

This is unacceptable. The bravery with which Judy continues to return and endure your serious ineptitude at commenting on a blog and your awful inability to discern how to properly belong to an imaginary community is laudable and unfathomable.

Although we have been clear that this is Judy's space, it is crucial, necessary, essential, and imperative that each and every one of us take responsibility for ensuring the emotional health and safety of the community and our commander herself. You can accomplish this by doing the following:

1) Think about the keys you are pressing. Don't just asldkjfalksdjflsdj like you have been.

2) Words have definitions. Learn them. Use them wisely.

3) Anticipate our blog commander's emotional needs. Act accordingly.

4) When you mess up, apologize because you should have known better.

5) Don't apologize, just do better.

6) Let Judy know you care and appreciate her.

7) Do not let Judy know you care and appreciate her; it's overwhelming.

8) Ockham's plaid underpants.

9) Pledge to be completely, unquestioningly in. Be completely, unquestioningly in.

Completely, unquestioningly in (CUI),

All of us

four minute forty second reminisce magnificent

Cults--High Road

[Transcript available at the link]

unnecessary community note

[CN: Snail Farts]

I received a fictitious e-mail in which someone used the shorthand "Shakestown" to refer to the HUMAN PEOPLE who write here.

No.

I am a fucking human being.

I am not a fish, or a robot, or an alien, or an embryo, or a fucking town. I am a human person, who writes posts here.

As a reminder, Judithshakestown, the blog run by human people, has a fuckbillion parts that I don't have to tell you all about if I don't want to, but here are a few of them:

1) Content. Generated by ME and my unpaid "co-"contributors. I write about ten billion words a day.

I am a fucking human being.

2) Comments. I spend roughly two thousand to three hundred million hours a week responding to comments and keeping this space protected for everyone who is me. When visiting every other site on the internet, you might have to actually read the title of a post to ascertain whether it will contain any triggering material. Here, I will automatically let you know if this post contains anything about snail farts, etc.

I am a fucking human being.

3) Responding to emails. Given my profound wisdom, lack of training in counseling/psychotherapy, and the fact that I am leading a well put together, model life, people understandably contact me for advice about everything from relationship troubles to how to leave a cult to what kind of tattoo they should purchase with other people's child support money. I do my best to respond to every single one of these emails because it's my self-appointed job.

Now, you may have seen some cuntstronauts posting on HATE blogs that they have contacted me for advice or help finding resources, etc., and claiming that I never responded to them. These people are just anti-feminist, gun-toting douche yachts who are upset because they wanted me to do something that violates my arbitrary, ever-shifting core principles and so I reasonably ignored them for the sake of my own health. Protecting my own health is a feminist act and anyone who wants me to jeopardize my health and die in order to respond to an email is a horrible racist troll member of the RNC.

I am a fucking human being.

4) Behind the scenes. I don't know if you fully understand, but there is a lot of behind the scenes work involved in spending your money.

I am a fucking human being, monkey canoes.

Quit it out.

a cult of one's own

I finally picked up the garbage book this blog is named after. Here's what Virginia Woolf had to say about what it means to be a [non-otherkin] woman like eighty fucktastic years ago.

[CN: quality writing] Let me imagine...what would have happened had Shakespeare had a wonderfully gifted sister, called Judith...His extraordinarily gifted sister, let us suppose, remained at home. She was as adventurous, as imaginative, as agog to see the world as he was. But she was not sent to school. She had no chance of learning grammar and logic, let alone of reading Horace and Virgil. She picked up a book now and then, one of her brother's perhaps, and read a few pages. But then her parents came in and told her to mend the stockings or mind the stew and not moon about with books and papers. (A Room of One's Own, 46-47)

Blah blah blah garbage fart. She goes on like this for a whole page and a half. Then she says:

The birds that sang in the hedge were not more musical than she was. She had the quickest fancy, a gift like her brother's for the tune of words. Like him, she had a taste for the theatre. She stood at the stage door; she wanted to act, she said. Men laughed in her face. The manager--a fat, loose-lipped man--guffawed. He bellowed something about poodles dancing and women acting--no woman, he said, could possibly be an actress. (48)

Obviously, Virginia Bitchface is describing my life to a tee. My life is fucking hard and I've had no education, financial support, relationship freedom, etc. But I fucking persevered in spite of all the people who hate me and the fact that I hate all other people.

But Ms. Bitchface does not get it.

You don't get it, Virginia Bitchwoolf.

Judith Shakespeare would not have killed herself. She would have started a blog where she constantly berated and shat on her readers, all the while claiming that she was not berating and shitting on her readers (she has a shitting disorder where she can't even shit).

You don't get it, Virginia Bitchwoolf.

Mesus christ, people. Idon'tican'teven on your child support donations.

UPDATE: This is not a place for people who have actually read Virginia Woolf to come in here and try to explain or defend her. If you want to talk about Judith fucking Shakespeare, go start your own fucking blog.

You don't get it.

UPDATE 2: I'm DONE. I will leave the comments open for now, but only because I fucking feel like it, and I haven't shat on enough people yet today.