Thursday, February 20, 2014

I get hate mail

This morning I received the following garbagetribe in my email box in response to my brilliant post about hate blogs.
Hi, Judith, I read you're post, "Bah your hate blogs" this morning and really appreciated it. I wish though that I never had to hear the phrase, "Sorry, I'm not fucking perfect." I lost my dad recently, and this is something he used to say all the time. It really made me feel like I couldn't ever raise any complaints or like I was making ridiculous demands on him when I was just asking him to drive me to school or stop creating emotionally abusive cults online. Needless to say, we had a complicated relationship, but it's been rough. I just lost my job, and I keep wanting to ask my roommate to pay her share of the rent but I'm afraid she'll just be like "Sorry, I'm not perfect!" and then get me evicted somehow. I'm not really sure what to do. When someone brings up something that I do that bothers them, I've started trying to just really listen to them and be responsive instead of just screaming "Sorry, I'm not perfect" and punching them in the face. It's been difficult. That phrase just brings up a lot of different feelings. Talking about it helps though. Thanks for listening.

LOL YOUR TRASH GRAMMAR! It's "your" not "you're," moron. It clearly states on one of the fucktrillion wikipedias--which are required reading before sending words to my publicly posted email address--that you must learn all grammar rules and proofread through your grieftears every word you submit to me.

I'm a human person, douchetroll. You are welcome to your opinions, but you are not welcome to climb into my inbox and tell me what phrases I should or should not use. Neither are you welcome to accuse me of holding various positions for which I have expressed no explicit support, such as that I advocate use of the phrase "Sorry, I'm not fucking perfect" simply because I used it. As you can readily see, I did not use the phrase "Sorry, I'm not cocktailforking perfect," which would have indicated clear endorsement of the phrase. All my sentences should be taken as both clearly, concretely set in stone and as noncommittal, depending on any new facts that come to light.



  1. Oh Dith, I for one would like to express my Complete and Unquestioning Inness through the ancient art of sycophancy. Every word you type is like a spritz of fine floral perfume in my shitlike unworthy ears. Your words falleth like the gentle rain from heaven upon the dessert that is my soul. The absence of you causes me to feel pain, great pain. I can't quit you.

  2. You are a beautiful body of work in all ways.

    --The Universe

  3. HolofernesHadItComingFebruary 23, 2014 at 4:46 AM

    I just felt another person (not to over-elevate my own status, but I do a pretty good impression of a person) should come in here to pointedly ignore the douchetroll's obviously fictional feelings and worship at the altar of 'Dith.

    ::worships in public, as is proper::

    I'm not going to ask how I can send Yousus all of my money, because I would never expect more from Your Personal Fork, but I do have loads of extra bitcoins and gold bullion hanging around because I know a solid investment. So if You ever wanted to, like, create a 900 number where Your devoted followers can experience Your brilliant advice/vocal stylings/semi-unique brand of verbal abuse in exchange for, I dunno, maybe their last dollar coupled with their last bit of self-respect, I can kickstart that shit.

  4. Judithshakestown, I can't believe you're only a human and not a god, so close to perfect are you.


  5. I hope that we have not spooked you just as you were beginning to delicately lap up some water from a forest stream. There is no creature on Multi-Earth that is as shy or elusive as the North American Pseudobritish Blogger. One cross-posted "LOL UR A FAG LOL" Youtube comment and they take the rest of the week off nesting in their snug little burrows.

    1. FJ, I realize that you probably mean this to be humorous, but I am certain that you can appreciate why I do not find your ribaldry risible.

      I would love to be back in all honesty, but my garbage brain is [there is no thesaurus entry for fubar].

    2. [CN: Pun]

      Now I can see why I need to donate to you the last five bucks in my Swear Jar: With all them there fancy words you got, you must lead a hard Scrabble existence.

    3. Judith, it's almost Friday anyway. Why don't you go lie down sideways and rest your garbage brain for a few days?

      I'm sorry life is so hard for you. Do you need another donation? Maybe your humorous cat Dursley or one of your tragically unwanted and heroically rescued dogs can offer some gentle comfort. *hands you Platter of Relaxing Items*

      Your faithful